Terra Incognita

     The claustrophobic, recycled air of the bus made Reih breathe deeply from a feeling that he wasn't getting enough oxygen- not that he had a particular fear of small places, but a general fear of being stuck in unventilated, close quarters with groups of people.  When he reached to open a window he noticed something peculiar- they had all been welded shut.  And for a brief moment his heart skipped with a sensation not unlike pleasurable fear.
     For a boy who lived primarily inside his imagination any hint of real adventure or conspiracy was intoxicating.  The hope of actual adventure was usually a short lived one as it was nearly always crushed by logical and lame explanations.  It was in the imagination that the real adventure existed.
     There were so many dreams in which he found vicarious but temporary fulfillment.  He ideated himself a warrior hero, a worldly traveler, and capable of supernatural feats.  Sometimes he would grow weary and escape into abstractions, floating through cities, deserts, and night skies.  Rarely was he timid or mute in his imagination, rather he was a dictator with masterful diction, screaming down at his people with inspiring and terrifying fury. 
     His favorite dreams, however, were the ones that evolved into complex stories with numerous climaxes and never-ending resolutions; those visions that became more elaborate with time, like small shrubs growing and expanding into imposing forests over spurts of geological time.  He could spend days sitting and thinking his way through conflicts and through lives that never existed outside of himself.
     Other people could tell a friend about their dreams and about everything they imagined.  Reih had no such outlet but felt that his ideas needed to be recorded in some way.  It was as if voicing them somehow made them more real.  He relied on his notebooks.  He recorded those dreams as if he were chronicling them for an audience or for historical purposes.  Those notebooks filled half of the one bag he was allowed to bring on the bus.  Though he wrote to an audience, he had never allowed anyone to see.  He had all the intentions of telling others, but once he conveyed an idea with words, he safeguarded it with his life.
     In comparison to his dreams, the real world was bereft of fervor and depth.
     Almost as soon as he was captured by the excitement and possibility of the welded windows, he was released.  It was like an expectant child opening a gift on Christmas, peeling back layers of wrapping paper and taking in a deep breath, only to exhale with the sinking disappointment of an unwanted gift.
    
     Over her shoulder Abby could hear voices.  Mark from the popular group was talking to Tom.
     "You go talk to her."
     "You do it, she's fuckin hot."
     "Ask her to come over here."
     She was uneasy.  She was taken aback by Reih, but thought that if she talked to him he would act as a kind of gargoyle.  She moved up two seats to be parallel with him.  He didn't notice.  His glare stayed fixed, seemingly blinded to everything he wasn't thinking about.
     "Hey, thanks for helping me out," Reih turned and looked at her with surprise that she actually came to talk to him.  "What's your name?"
     He fumbled to grab his notebook and opened to the first page. 
     She laughed, "what are you doing?"  She didn't know.  Reih sank down, ashamed.  She came to talk, and he was going to ruin it.  She didn't know, and now she would probably leave.  He looked down and to the left, then made a motion near his throat and mouth, opening his hand.  He just didn't want her to leave.  So before she had the chance to react he pointed to the inside of the notebook that had his name engraved. 
     "I…I'm…I'm sorry.  That's a strange name, how do you say that?  Oh!  No… I mean. Re- Ri" 
     Reih motioned his hand back and fourth in a universal "no," and wrote in the notebook.  He held it up. 
   IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE "RAY"
     "I like that.  Why the strange spelling?"
     I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE
     She winced her narrow eyes, "you didn't have a chance?"
     CHOICE
     "Oh, choice.  Right, ha, yeah.  I guess not.  I'm Abby."
     She held out her hand and he shook it longer than was expected, savoring the unfamiliar embrace.  Her hand was smooth and cold.  She wasn't yet comfortable with even this short moment of silence.
     "Do you know anything about where we're going?"  After she said it, it seemed like a thoroughly complex question to have to write down and she regretted it. 
     SOME KIND OF ALL AGES SCHOOL OR SOMETHING.  ANYTHING NEW SOUNDS GOOD.    
     "I can understand that.  Where are you guys coming from?"
     THE BRIAR HOUSE.  ITS SOUTH FROM WHERE WE PICKED YOU UP.    
     "You mean the orphanage?" 
     Reih hesitated.  It seemed that every new thing she discovered was something repelling. 
     YEAH.
     Abby got up and went to her previous seat.  Reih felt disgusted with himself until she returned with her oversized suitcase and his disgust became relief.  His contact with females was practically non-existent and otherwise marked by rejection, repulsion, and badgering on which he was always on the receiving end.  The result was that when a girl looked his way, he looked away.  Perhaps in the realm of his inner world he had confidence, charisma and was unequivocally attractive to girls, but when face to face with the external world he saw that he was anything but.  His own physical self-impression was many degrees uglier than his actual self.  All of those enviable qualities he believed were trapped in the inner world, and in this world he was nothing but a grotesque alien. 
     That she actually talked to him meant much more to him than Abby intended.  She felt prone to talk to Reih not only for protection but also because she didn't know anyone on the bus and the others seemed unappealing.  She wanted a friend to talk to, and though she wasn't able to talk with him, she felt a womanly endearment for his inept social skills and verbal disability. To Reih her simple gesture of making contact was a spiritual sign that she may be able to traverse his towering wall, and his affection for her grew at an unhealthy rate. 
     After a while, Abby fell asleep on her seat, propped up against the window.  Reih watched her.  He had never had an opportunity like this.  All he could think about was the close distance between them.  He only needed to lean towards her and reach out.  Her chest enlarged and depressed.  Though he wasn't embracing her, he felt like he was.  Like he was holding her in protective arms, just waiting for the opportunity to shield her from some attacking force.  

     Sarah and Tom sat two seats in front of the black-clad Jack and Cody and their voices carried up to Reih.  Tom was much like John but with curly, blond hair.  Sarah's body was voluptuous and tan.  She had wavy blonde hair, slightly snubbed nose, and a liberal amount of dark makeup around her eyes.  It was her mouth though that was her most magnetic feature, constantly diverting attention from all other areas.  She wore braces and they were always evident.  She had the perfect age and physicality to make them a sexual accessory present in visions of underage promiscuity.  Reih was drawn to that mouth and he lusted over her when she opened it and revealed a perfectly roundish, light-pink tongue.  He was angry at himself for being physically attracted to her and that anger manifested itself as violent, sexual fantasy.  She was involved in another storyline dream, but a different kind of story- a villainous protagonist constantly indulging in ever-intensifying physical desire.  Her personality was her physicality.  It was her arching back and pushed out chest.  Her soul was her slightly opened mouth.
     "Hey, give me that!"
     "Whatever, it's mine now."
     She put her hand on Tom's leg and batted her heavily decorated eye lashes.  "You're such an ass.  Aww, come on, please?"  Her voice layered over itself with a "th" sound and her tongue stuck to the bottom of her mouth, on display with each loose syllable.  Tom momentarily looked up and Reih caught his eye.  His watchful glare was obvious even from a distance.  Tom tapped her on the shoulder and motioned upward.
     "Hey, check out Reih." He said with a smile.
     "Oh my god… what a fucking weirdo.  I don't care if he's mute.  He's just creepy," she looked around and raised her voice, "Hey Reih, you got a new girlfriend?  I mean, first and only girlfriend!"
     Reih looked back like a child who had been caught doing something he was told not to.  He sank into his seat amidst laughter, far enough that no one from behind could see his face.  Everything sank.
     He felt a kick on his leg and looked up at Abby.  She smiled and he smiled back.
    
     The sun had just finished setting as the bus pulled into Terra Station.  The scene was overtaken by a series of low-level gray buildings that appeared to be a mix between a bus station and a shopping center.  There was the large parking lot and one long, single street with shops on both sides.  Because of the signs outside the stores of  and the closeness of the buildings, Reih found it to be much like how he imagined bustling market streets in Asia- only this place was desolate.  It was like a still picture of one of those streets leaving perplexed onlookers wondering what happened to the electricity.  It was one of those streets, only after a million mornings, evenings, and nights when that which never rests rested.  There were the lights.  There were the vendors running on auto-pilot.  And there the children found themselves, just a moment late for a festival that was now packing up and relocating to another town. 

     A skinny, dark-suited man entered the bus with a serious expression.  He was non-descript and wore unnecessary sunglasses. 
     "Welcome to Terra Station.  Please file out to the entrance of the strip."
     The children filed out, bags in hand, onto the sidewalk.  The first out were the silent ones at the front of the bus.  Reih forgot they were even there.  He and Abby walked out together and received more looks from the central group.  They wanted to know what was wrong with the girl. 
     Sarah turned to Tom, "Hey, cut it out!" After he had just playfully slapped her butt upon standing. 
     Jack and Cody waited impatiently while the central group gathered their things.  Jack got fed up and charged through, colliding with the group in front of him, and knocking over several bags.  Cody followed Jack's example. 
     "Hey, watch it freak," Sarah said.  Neither of them acknowledged her, other than Jack checking her out and brushing up against her while walking by. 
     Once outside the cooler air hit the group, especially Abby.  Her thin soccer shorts did nothing to stop the wind.  She held her arms and stood close to Reih until deciding to search for her coat.  Her bag was an oversized suitcase that she strained with great effort to even move.  Reih had only his backpack.  His eyes expanded as he saw the jumbled contents of her luggage.  It was incredible.  He didn't think of the excesses as luxury items.  She appeared more like a sentimental packrat, unwilling to part with invaluable trinkets that held some greater meaning that only she knew of. 
     She searched frantically with suffering coordination, motivated by the cold.  The rest of the group had already advanced to the entrance.  Reih looked inside Abby's suitcase while pretending not to.  It felt like a closely guarded secret that was almost too personal or even sacred.  He became defensive and looked around to make sure no one else was looking.  He was sure that he had discovered something worth guarding.
     "I got it! Brrr…"  Reih took up his notepad.
     I DIDN'T KNOW ANYONE DID THAT.
     "Did what?"
     SAID "BRRR" OUTLOUD.
     "Whatever, lots of people do it!"
     Her small arms glided inside a puffy black coat.  Her hair lay sloppily along her face as though she were at the end of a long, rough day.  But even uneven clumps of hair couldn't hide the mousey whites of her eyes.  Once she zipped her coat she had a pillowesque blimp for an upper body with her arms retracted well within the sleeves. Her delicate neck nestled into the bulk of a massive hood.  Attractive legs appeared naked with her shorts disappearing into the black fluff.  Her high red and white sports socks made her seem that much more ridiculous and adorable.  Reih rolled his eyes and blushed.    
     She hit him on the shoulder, "it's a good coat!"  He shrugged and punched her lightly back. 
     "Hey, you can't hit me!  I'm a girl!"
     He shrugged again.  She started to see that being mute had made him a master of body language.  Just as there were slight differences in words with almost identical meaning, so did Reih understand the slight complexities of body language.

     The groups split off in three different directions.  John tried to make the decision for his group. 
     "Let's get pizza," the group conversed.  From ten feet away Jack listened to the popular group. 
     "Fuck that, I'm not getting pizza if those assholes are."
     "No Shit." Cody said lethargically. 
     "No, I don't want pizza.  Let's go to the sandwich shop," Sarah said.  When the girls agreed where they were going, the rest of the popular group followed.
     Abby tapped Reih on the shoulder. "Reih, do you want coffee?"  Her voice was slow.  He didn't, but he nodded anyway.  
     "Well, fuck it then.  Let's get pizza," Cody said and the two left. 
     The groups sat away from one another in a perfectly formed triangle.  The popular group was on the right side, in the middle of the station.  Jack and Cody were on the distant left end of the station.  Abby and Reih were on the left closest to the parking lot.
 
     John stared. 
     "Look at Reih, playing like he's helpless and shit."
     Tom coughed, choking on his sandwich.
     "What are you jealous a weird, mute kid?  That's a new low."  
     "No, I'm not…but fuck him.  Look at my bag."
     Jack came walking by the sandwich shop, towards the bathroom.
     "Well, it's not like he made you look like a little bitch or anything."
     "Hey, fuck you freak.  You wanna try me on?"
     "I would kick your worthless, sissy ass."
     "Well let's do it."
     "John, shut up," Sarah interjected, seemingly disinterested. 
     John got up, shoved Jack, and a scuffle broke out.  The sound was the stillness of suspended chatter and then small crashing impacts.  John's friends didn't help, but cheered him on.  The sounds caught the attention of Reih, Abby, and lastly Cody, who ran over and looked at the fight, unsure of what to do.  He wanted to help, but didn't know if it was the right thing to do.  Instead, he watched and waited for some sort of verbal indicator or instruction from Jack like "help, give me a hand," or "don't just stand there."
     No such instruction came.  Reih looked around, waiting for someone with some authority to get involved.  Every man he saw took short notice and then looked away.  The suited man who had just spoken took notice, and then walked out of sight.  The fight itself was unspectacular, ending with both boys winded, worn out, covered in minor bloody scrapes, and both trying to convince others that they had been the victor.  Jack and Cody returned to the pizzeria. 
     Jack rubbed his jaw, "did you see that?"
     "Yeah man, you kicked his ass."  Jack felt validated and relieved by the confidence. 
     On nearly opposite sides of Terra Station, both John and Jack shook with partially relieved tension, still suffering from post nervousness.
     "At least those losers won't be back," John said. 
     "You mean because you were mad at Reih and picked a fight with Jack?  Yeah, you really showed him," Sarah said.
     "Fuck you, I'll get Reih later." 
     The more he thought about it, the more the idea of fighting Reih sounded ridiculous.  Though Reih never played sports with everyone else, he spent hours in the gym moving an impressive workload for his age.  John started thinking of other ways to beat him down without having to fight at all.  The sting on his jaw was painful when he touched it. He held his hand over his chin so others wouldn't see that it was swollen. 
     Tom sipped from his drink, "it's not hard to do, Sarah does it everyday.  He's so easy to fuck with.  He stuck up for that chick but he wouldn't stick up for himself."
     John looked down the open corridor of Terra station at Reih and Abby.  Every time she laughed he got angry.  The idea of being jealous of a handicapped outcast was to much to bear.
 
     Reih and Abby sat closest to the parking lot.  Reih had never experienced such a night.  In his life, there must have been other cold, crisp nights, but this was the only one he could remember.  A razor thin moon rose up from the horizon.  The crystalline air was without clouds.  The lights of Terra Station dimmed one after another and the stars became visible.
     For a moment, Reih and Abby were content to communicate more with body language than words.  Moved by the situation, Reih picked up his notebook.  He strained for a trying to think of something poetic.  A beautiful girl, the moon, a clear sky of stars- he had come to understand why so many romantics were preoccupied with these things. 
     ARE YOU GLAD TO BE GOING SOMEWHERE NEW?
     "Well…yeah.  I'm going to miss my friends from school, but I didn't like it there."  She looked at him and realized that because he wasn't able to talk, he may be the best male listener she had ever met.  Plus he wouldn't blurt out any secrets or talk behind her back.  "It was just strict you know?  Most of my friends were from soccer.  Everyone else was a religious nut…I mean, because it was a religious school."
     He considered and wrote.
     ARE YOU RELIGIOUS?
     "Oh, well no.  Not really.  I was just put there…Are you?"
     NO, NOT AT ALL.
     "Good, then we won't have some weird conversation about it…I mean people get really weird about it, you know?"
     Reih nodded.  He didn't write what he wanted to.  He wanted to be forward and affectionate, but his hand refused to write those words.  He heard a distant, muffled argument in the dimly-lit parking lot.  He couldn't make it out.
  
     Hailey took a protesting stance, with her arms crossed.  Z read from a clipboard.  His smooth skin and boyish face made him appear younger than eighteen.  He was equally as skinny as Hailey, and had a smart look, characteristic of other Asian kids with glasses.  That particular stereotype was true of Z, who was perhaps the most bookish of the Student Police.  Whenever he got excited, which was often, his eyes became wide with blinding whites.  His was an uplifting and contagious enthusiasm.  Though for the moment, his face was plain and neutral.
     "If you don't want to do it, tell the Captain."   
     "I just didn't expect this.  Maybe it's the only reason I was chosen."
     "It's your choice.  Plus, don't flatter yourself.  It can't be the only reason.  There are plenty of other SP girls."
     "I know… with this I could be a Sergeant..."
     "Well, my first mission is how I got it."
     "What do you think Z?"
     "Well…If it's too much for you, or if you think it will mess with you, don't do it.  It takes a different kind of person to be SP.  You got rank fast, so no offence, but I don't think you know what it's all about yet.  I've done things that make this look like a cake walk…but I don't know.  I'm not a girl.  Morality, sensibility…a good conscious- SP's can't have any of those things."
     Hailey giggled under nervous tears.
     "You're right.  It isn't that big of a deal.  I was getting ready, thinking I was going to have to kill someone.  I guess in retrospect this should be easy.  I can do anything.  Let's do it.  Read the rest of the orders.  And if you tell anyone about this I'll kill you."

     Jack and Cody wasted their time after eating, sipping large sodas.  Cody was still thinking about the fight with increasing envy.
     "I should have jumped in and helped you beat the shit out of that asshole.  I don't know why I didn't."
     "It's cool.  It was more like one on one.  If his friends jumped in then we would have to fight together."
     "I bet we could take all of em'."
     "Fuck yeah, what a bunch of pussies."
     "So…what do you think of Reih's new girl?"
     "She's hot.  I'm just glad she likes him instead of that douche bag John.  I bet that shit pisses him off."
     "No shit man."

     The popular group talked annoyingly loud much to the dismay of the sandwich shop owner. 
     "Next time, we'll help you kick that kid's ass," Mark said. 
     Whatever.  I could have taken both of them.  What a set of pussies."
     "Let me have some," Sarah said to Tom who was eating the last of a cookie.  He made a motion of handing it to her.  She opened her mouth in response.  When he put the piece of cookie in her mouth she held his hand, sucking on his fingers for a moment.  The other boys stared longingly and looked away.  John kept looking.  She made eye contact with him and smiled, still holding Tom's hand to her mouth.  Her tongue rolled, seemingly spiraling forward with lush embrace. 
     He looked to the side, "I can't believe that motherfucker."
     Mark looked confused, "Tom?"
     "No, Reih.  Whatever.  Watch this."  John grabbed a large drink from the table.

     Abby and Reih seemed separate from the rest of Terra Station.  They weren't bothered by the drama pervading the other two groups.  Reih had slowly edged closer to Abby.  He took it as sign that she didn't mind, but actually she didn't notice. 
     He looked for the words he wanted to write.  He took up the notebook and wrote.  His heart pounded with the idea of showing her.  She looked on as he wrote and was genuinely interested in what he would write next.  It was a surprise each time.  She would try to guess what the message would be from his facial expressions, but it was like guessing the contents of an unopened present- some presents were more obvious and others had obscure, confusing shapes.  When she finally saw it, it was a revelation, as if saying to herself, "oh! That's what it was!  It seems so obvious now!"
     He wrote a message but then shook his head and flipped to the next page.  He did this several times before Abby interrupted. 
     "Reih, what is it?"
     He looked up and then around before writing a short note.
     NOTHING.
     Abby punched him on the shoulder, "oh, come on!  I've been sitting here watching you write.  You have to tell me, those are the rules!"
     WHAT RULES?
    "Psh, the ones I just made."
     He considered and wrote a short sentence.  He hesitated, suspended in the moment before doing something he had already decided to do, but lacked the courage to carry out. 
     I LIKE YOU.
     She looked at it and shrugged. 
     "I like you too Reih."  She smiled and it was like a gravitational pull.  A force of nature so great he could hardly fight back.  There was no inclination to fight, only an urge to combine barriers.  The wall wasn't enough to keep her out, she didn't need gateways or doors, she just went through it.  It was like an unbelievable dream that had not yet climaxed, a roller coaster still climbing steadily to new heights.  All inhibitions and fear melted away.  
     Reih quietly leaned in to kiss her. 
     Surprised, she pulled back and turned her head slightly.  Reih pulled back and looked to the side and he sank.  She furrowed her brows as if to cry. 
     "No, Reih. I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to-"
     At that moment, John walked hurriedly, running into Reih and spilling the drink over him.
     "Oh, sorry Reih.  Didn't see you there buddy," he said smiling.
     "What the hell is your problem!"  Abby stood up.  John started to walk away.  What was a cold night was not freezing.  Reih looked at John and then at Abby and stormed off.  It was like everything climaxing rolled backwards, falling further from the point at which it started. 
     "Reih, wait!"
     He just wanted to go where everyone else wasn't.  He grabbed his bag and took it in the bathroom to change clothes.  He didn't want to show his outer weakness.  He wanted to be stoic and accepting but his body wouldn't listen.  His jaw trembled and tears refused to stop. 
  
     The intercom in Terra Station buzzed.
The time is now 9:55.  Please make your way back to the docking area. 

     Shortly, everyone gathered.  When Reih came back he did his best remain unnoticed.  His gray shirt and black pants blended into the surrounding buildings.  He sagged his head and posture, helping him to not be seen.  He kept his backpack on out of the fear that someone may have some malicious plan for it.  Abby walked up to Reih and nudged him.  She smiled but he was only partially responsive.  Every part of himself had again retreated to the inner world. 
     "It's time for your assignments.  Listen closely.  Depending on which facility you are assigned to, you will get on the corresponding bus.
     Sarah looked around with disappointed surprise. 
     "I didn't know we were going to be split up."
        
Chelsea, R10. 
Mark R10. 
Bella, B5. 
Terry, B5. 
Bob A12. 
Chloe, A12. 
Brandon, T6. 
Jordan, T6." 
    
     Those who knew one another said goodbye and talked about meeting up. 
     "Jack, Cody, Tom, Sarah, John, Abby, Hailey, and Re…Ri…"
     "It's Reih," Abby blurted out.
     "Right, Reih.  You are the H-17 crowd.  File to the far corner of the lot."  The man pointed to a dark corner of the parking lot a hundred meters away.  As they were walking Abby nudged Reih again.
     "Don't look like that.  You're making me sad.  You look like a puppy."  Reih took offense.  He wanted to look tougher.  He felt like doing something drastic.  Something terrible to release everything terrible from inside.  Yet, he wanted her to be safe from that release.  It was not her.  It couldn't be her.  Protecting her from himself and from the world, he felt like his chest was wrapping around itself in constricting knots.
     The group waited for several minutes.  The buses pulled out and soon their lights faded into the distance.  They were the only children left.  A light that seemed unnecessarily bright came on in front of them, looking as if it could illuminate an entire field.  Some of the group tried to shield their eyes.  Hailey's heart raced, waiting for the moment. 
     Every light in Terra Station turned off.  Lastly, the flood light turned off and everyone was blind.  At first there were only murmurs.  Soon, it became violent screams and scuffling noises. 
     "Hey, stop!"
     "Tom!"
     "Reih?  Where are you!"
     "What the hell!"
     Reih felt a sharp pain impact the back of his head.  He dropped to the ground and held his hands out defensively, wincing from fear of further attack.  He started to flail, trying to get away.
     "Hey, give me a hand!  This kid is big and he's freaking out!"
     Reih pushed away in the dark.  Every time he pushed off he was held down from somewhere else.  He wanted to scream out, but the only sound was hyperventilated air.  It was an impossible fear like the night terror of a child.  He let out gasps and rolling tears.  The last thing he felt was a prick on his neck.